70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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