Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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