just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
