I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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