My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
