dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
