i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
