Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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