I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
