So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
