dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize