Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
