remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
