haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
