Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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