Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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