I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I skipped work to stalk him.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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