I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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