Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
