It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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