"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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