I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
