I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize