bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize