We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
