i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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