3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
