I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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