I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize