how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
