I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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