After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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