I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize