She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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