Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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