yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
