If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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