So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize