and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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