I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
