Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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