God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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