eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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