...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
