I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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