I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
