I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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