we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She just used a chaser for red wine.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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