I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
