her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
