Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
