I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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