that's an acceptable place to lick
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
