last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
