I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
