well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
