Im at strip club and am horny
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sorry about my life...
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