Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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