worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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