If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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