That's when you crack a 10am beer
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
