I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
