We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
