last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can you bring me the toilet please
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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