is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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