Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
bring money and cleavage
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
