I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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